Love and Sex: Severed at the Waist

A lot of women I have worked with are severed at the waist — split between their sexuality and heart. 

While I am in complete support of women’s sexual liberation, when we go about sex with an unhealed heart, women often find that she is sleeping with men too early as an attempt to get love vs entering sacred sexual union from a place with a whole healed heart where she is not trying to get unconscious needs met from a man. 

When your primary needs have not been met from within first, primarily the need for love and security, we will unconsciously seek these needs from men in unhealthy ways or find ourself with the wrong men to make us feel whole and safe. This does not mean the right partner won’t increase your feelings of being loved and sense of support and security in your life, the right man will most definitely add to your life in these ways, but it’s important to have found this from within first and enter a relationship from a whole and empowered place from your own sense of self.

Women who live from the waist down, disconnected from her heart, often finds herself to be self-identified as “promiscuous”. She often doesn't honor her own boundaries and casually sleeps with men too soon; denying that what she really wants is deep emotional connection with a man. Or she may find herself making bad choices with intimate partners and committing to the wrong men; men she doesn’t truly love or men who are not capable of giving her the love she desires.

This split between the heart and sexuality often stems from an unhealed abandonment wound where we were not correctly imprinted with what it feels like to receive steady, consistent love from our fathers (or surrogate male father figure) as a little girl. When this imprinting isn’t correctly formed, it leaves women feeling that sex equals love and using sex to get love from a man, rather than starting a relationship by creating an emotional bond from her heart.

On the other side, a woman may be connected to her heart, and find herself in long term loving relationship but is cut off from her sexuality, feeling shame around practicing self-pleasure or inhibited from exploring her own fantasies and desires.

Women who live from the waist up, find themselves cut off from their sexuality, ashamed of their erotic sensual side and have a hard time showing up authentically in life — she hides from speaking her truth and living her most radically authentic life.

She may attract men who have a deep level of emotional connection and maturity but the relationship stalls, she puts him in the friend zone again and again, or she marries the guy who feels safe but there is no passion.

This split often starts in childhood, either from her family of origin, or cultural and/or religious influences, or possibly unprocessed sexual abuse. Taboos are passed down from sexually repressed adults and sex feels shameful.  Whether overt or implicit, it leaves little girls, who turn into women, defensive around the lower part of their body. 

These splits are of course metaphorical — thus while invisible to the eye, they are vague and impossible to precisely pinpoint and are often nuanced based on your personal history. And it is possible to feel a little bit of disconnection from both energy centers, slightly cut off from your heart when choosing men and perhaps also notice you are not fulling connected to your sexuality either. Awareness is the first step towards healing.

When a woman reconnects to both of these power centers of energy within her body, her heart and her sexuality, she rediscovers her true empowerment in the connection to her feminine essence.

Her life seemingly magically shifts from *striving* for perfection (often in appearance or career), striving for validation, or seeking to be loved ==> to attracting.. 

The feminine energy is all about being open to receive, and when we reconnect with it, we return to the innate wisdom of the body and tune in to a powerful energy that will help you easily manifest your desires.  I often tell women, you don’t have to go out seeking your King, do your inner work and he will find you.

If you are struggling in your relationships with men and your love life is just not where you hoped it would be by now, reach out to schedule a complimentary discovery HERE with me and let’s see how I can help.